I love to help people to create the lives that they love. As I was reflecting on this I recognized that many times in my past I’ve failed in asking for help for myself. I don’t know how this pattern got started, but if I could do something myself, I would just do it rather than “impose” on someone else. On many occasions, after I completed a task alone, others would ask me “why didn’t you call me for help – I would have been happy to help you?”
In my mind, I had created a “story” that included the benefits of doing things myself; “I wouldn’t impose on others, I wouldn’t be disappointed if someone said NO, I didn’t have to look weak or incapable.” How in the world did I learn to create those ideas?
As I analyzed this pattern more, I realized that I wasn’t the only person who felt this way. In looking deeper, I uncovered a fear about possible rejection and separation that many of us share. Author Amanda Palmer, explains it this way; “From what I've seen, it isn't so much the act of asking that paralyzes us--it's what lies beneath: the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of rejection, the fear of looking needy or weak. The fear of being seen as a burdensome member of the community instead of a productive one. It points, fundamentally, to our separation from one another.”
Have you experienced this fear pattern too?